i am earth, grounded and strong when lost in my thoughts in the only place where i can  be me. let’s make enough to survive, stayin’ alive is my goal, no risk, survival by any means, fly or fight but fly first. ha ! you politicians, marketers and promoters you know how to use me… make me belong yeah, make feel like i am part of a tribe, that they will take care of me, survival after all, always. you make all sure that by adhering to you, i won’t feel alone, it has a price for that, always have to pay if you can’t do it yourself.

my people are important, need to care of them always, need to make sure we follow the rules, staying safe, my safety relies on them and theirs on mine.

i don’t know how you feel fear, i believe fear to be unique to each, my fear is a sudden rush of hyper awareness, a strong sense that something bad, real bad, will happen from anywhere at any moment. tunnel vision to ensure that focus is only on what i look while scanning around. smell is exacerbated, breathing is faster and stronger, muscle tensed and i don’t make a noise, listening, listening…. it is crazy in those moments you are a wild animal alone, linked directly to your hard-wired behaviour, nothing else matter than external threat, then identify, then fly or fight. i know those feelings when i enter a dark alley with no backup, or push any door when i have no idea what is behind. this is how i take the fear of the humanity on my back, why do i do it you can ask me, and i’ll answer why not… i need the cash, i was good at the gym couldn’t get math right, needed money fast and didn’t want to do bad things. with the choice again ? i don’t know, i don’t think about that, don’t want to, don’t need to, i will have never the choice again