every picture is a story

my dearest,

it has been many years since you must have heard about me last, i imagine selfishly that you have hated me for what i have done to you, but i am afraid that you simply decided to minor my importance in your life. i did feel true with you, but i did with others too. i did love you genuinely, but i did with the others too, i have cheated on you, but i did with the others too. if you hate me, stop. if you hated me, it is good that you stopped. you see i have such a small image of me, that i had to live through the eyes of the others. i had so little things in me, that i needed to have you and the others to convince me i could so something. well, don’t worry, i didn’t succeed.

you are not at fault, you have been unlucky. i have no personality so it was easy for you to project the perfect image of me. i just told you, i am who you are looking for and you saw what you wanted. i needed to be as bland as possible and follow your lead, so i did with the others. i have lived thousands of lives, wore as much personalities and with them came as much weaknesses and stupidities only inherent in people like me. somehow all of that got neutralized or amplified, because i didn’t win nothing in the end and i am if lucky as miserable as before.

you know that those words i am writing are just an excuse to make sure that you don’t forget about me, that suddenly all good and hurtful memories sting your ego. you didn’t help me, you were not who i hoped you were, you made me wasted my time, it was just fair that you lost yours with me.  to be true, i did feel bad sometimes, alone when trapped with some thoughts popping and a little bit of a heartache, not because i missed you but because i misbehaved and somehow i know that i will have to pay a dear price. but hey i do think about you sometimes, just wanted to let you know. i did love you but so i did the others. you see it is not only you, they are many others and there will be more.

J.